"Sometimes...
I think, everything is so unfair to me.."

Why...?

"Because.. I've always wish for more, when someone is having more..
Thats why..."

Why do you want to wish for more..? Isn't that.. your life now is good...?

"No... I'm lonely... and, I was left aside, without being noticed...
I... I feel sad. I don't know who to talk with. I'm really... really.. really, sad."



Prologue.

The night was dead, a cold-hearted nightmare. Creatures lurking on the streets can hardly bundle up. The flames can barely lighten up this city of death silence. Everyone is rushing back to where they're from, just to grab a warmed alcohols, from the dirty slut they've been sex with for years, and to lie down on the worned sofa, watching the battles of snow flakes between human and mother nature.


This, is the City of Nieko. Where dreams, turn into nightmares.


In the dark corner, within the roots of all demons and fallen angels, lies an uncomfort bed of all sins... No sign of happiness... No sign of hope... No sign of proper souls... There lies a seed of Satan. Crawling.. Staring.. Howling.. alone to the sacred moon that turns red whenever there's bloods and flesh business clashing through every minutes.

She picked up the seed.. risking her own dirty, filthy yet such cleansed pure soul, to escort the baby to a safer place.. Dreaming, hoping, expecting the seed can be purify by the hands of angels.. Bring hope to the fallen dead, unrested hatreds..

5 months of running on a wounded feet. 20 weeks of hiding from the hand of satan's salvation. 140 days of cursed living.. The mother, has finally fallen. Leaving the seed of satan, on a holy forest.. Before her very last breath, she endures every curses in her body, used up all her power she could gather, she moved her cheeks.. to the baby. She hold onto his arm, singing the poems of Nieko. She kissed him, even though that would mean her seal of life. One kiss, an innocent, loving, caring kiss, has finally ended a life of a mother.

The seed, has not fail on his mother's expectation. He was then picked up by the cleansed soul of blades, a blademaster from the other side of Holy Gate. Looking through the fire burning eyes, filtering through the cursed yet so innocent life sign, the blademaster foresee a truth, unstable truth. He knows in it, he now will have a tough decision to be made.

"The Dream" ...or, "The Nightmare"

15 years passed, the seed has finally sprouted. Growing into a fine, strong, energetic young man. His name, is Ares. Named by his mother, caged in the steel of underworld.

His day has finally came... is it Redemption? or... pure Vengeance?

-*End of Prologue*-

Confused Emotion.

I'm upset.
I'm jealous.
I'm sad.
I'm happy.
I'm calm.
I'm worried.
I'm bored.
I'm busying.

Who the fuck am I anyway?
Does anyone bother?

Who the fuck am I anyway?
Does anyone reply me?

Who the fuck am I anyway?
Does anyone know that I'm here?

Who am I?
Do I feel happy or sad?
Do I feel up or down?
Do I feel hot or cold?

I seriously got no idea about these questions.

I couldn't find the answer to fill in the blanks.

I couldn't find the path that leads to an end for the blanks.

I couldn't find a happy ending.

I couldn't find a proper ending.

I couldn't find... anything.


I've so many hatred in the deep of the heart.
I wish I have the power to consume everybody's darkness.
I wish to be the invincible villain, since no one think that I'm a hero.

I shall pierce through the heroes brains.
I shall consume their darkness and flood their heart.
I shall become the only one, in the world.


...Since...
There's no country for me.



What am I?

Final Salute.

Thought about changing blog.
This is a very dangerous place.

*******************************
Went for the "Masquerade Dating" Event last night. Held by Mass-Com seniors.
Yeah... the word "Dating" sounds stupid right? Who will ever think of come and get a date for themselves? Not the girls I'm sure, some of the boys might have a thought like that.
Yeah, and I guess that's me. hehe.

Hmmph, well the party was a... well, normal. Yeah, it's normal, and it doesn't seems like a dating event, it's a party. A party for friends to join, instead of bachelors and single ladies.
Girls are pretty that night.
Boys are handsome that night. MOST of them were.
Lol.. I'm thinking for like 10 minutes but still got no idea how to continue the story of last night.
It was rather more disappointing, because I expected a little bit more... western-romantic?
They got no couple dancing session.. They got no table for two.. They got no proper meal for hungry people like me.. Ya lorh, just like I said just now, it's a party. It's not even a themed event.

People aren't really hanging along in the party, most of them are hanging with their groups. I might be wrong, but I think most of the people there didn't really.. play the rules. They just do what they've been told. Well I think i'm one of them too. and the meeting partner session is like... eating sushi? The boys are like the sushis on the kaiten belt, and then we change seats every 30 seconds, clockwise. Then the gurlz are the customers, come to taste the food on the belt, you don't like it, you puke and you complain about it. What are we doing in the 30 seconds? Talk rubbish. Noo no no, we aren't talking rubbish. We're answering questions for like 30 times?
Example:
-Hey are you dasein student?
yeah.
-Hey what batch are you?
081.
-Hey where you from?
I'm local.
I've almost telling the same answer for like... yeah, its about that, 30 times.
IT'S JUST PLAIN BORING. sicked ~.~

I'll rate it 7 out of 10. At least we're somehow not so bored in the 4 hours.
Anyway I'm not going to thank the organizer though, i think they received enough of appreciation in other ways. Especially Facebook. cheers to facebook eh?

oh, and I got a gurl's cell number, but I guess her number will soon disappear in my contact.
****************
So, why deleting a pretty babe number? Yeah, did you see what I just call her?
PRETTY. BABE.
As you can see, pretty babe are most likely the most happening being on Earth.
Which means, she doesn't live my life, and I don't live her life as well.
So, more to say, she got tons of plans and friends to hang out with, why bother a retard like me?
I guess readers(if there are) will strongly agree to me if they know who am I.
Aihz. Byebye sweet 19, I'm going to celebrate 20th single anniversary d.


****************
Why, not having a gurlfrenz? for 19 years? I think some people might wanna ask. MIGHT LAR.

First... I want pretty girls. I'm a very.. materialistic? guy. I don't want any other gurls that break my principles to be my gurlfrenz, or some even to be my friend. So yeah, that's how it is.

Second... So many babes out there why not even one? Let me straighten about the facts, THEY ARE NOT AS PRETTY AS YOU THINK. At least I think that way. They wear make-up. They wear HEAVY make-up. Which makes me wanna puke everytime I see that fake eye-lashes, drawn eyebrow, enlarge eyeballs(ew...), heavy heavy plus super duper mega bummer heavy smokey eyes colouring. I am so going to puke if I continue about this. I know lar, girls cannot see people without makeup, but don't wear heavy makeup lar, last night I thought I was going to be eaten by those watery juicy fake big eyeballs you know. Damn scary one.

Third... I need them to be good, at least for what I can accept.

Fourth... I have a really low self-esteem. I guess my life cause me that shit ass attitude.

Fifth... No one is perfect. Understand?

Sixth... I have too many negative attitude issues spreading out there, and I don't really think those are rumors, hah, It's a fact then.

hmmmm... I guess that's about it. Oh, one more.

Seventh... I don't desperate. I jealous. I'm thirst. But I don't desperate. Maybe I know that girls don't really wanna friend with me, or even come near me and say "Hi". OOwhh, so gonna cry after this.

"Sendiri pun belum settle dah nak settle satu gurlfren? Mimpa je larh tuk"
********************

Humiliated in the party. BIG HUMILIATE.
a very big one... big.. bigg... sighs.

Why?

First case, when we're having the.. knowing partner session. I was 'confronting' with this gurl, and we're suppose to have a talk. JUST BOTH OF US, at least I suppose that's what we're suppose to do. but then when the host came, the gurl just take her eyes off me and talk to the host. UNTIL THE TIME FINISH. It's not like the host wanted to talk with her, but she, herself, stall the host there. Well nice play girl, you've successfully dissed me. and pissed me off.

Hello, respect please? I'm not invisible. I'm just in front of you. What's the big deal about talking with me? At least respect alittle bit larh... I'm sick of this girl.
Oh ya, she's the girl I've mentioned just now, that have a big juicy watery scary fake eyes that wanted to swallow me alive.

big SIGHS.
*************************

I have so many thoughts in my head now. Which I can't really interpret it properly.
I guess, at the end, I should've take all the blame. At least I'll make the others feel comfortable that way.

This is the judgement that I couldn't resist. It's like a drug, it makes me high. It builds me.