Confused.

It's another Sunday and as always, I'm was left alone in the house. Yeap, again.
It's not like the whole house got no people, its just that I felt lonely, no one can talk to. no one can play with. no one to diuz with.

Surprisingly I've come back to KL at the early noon, my frenz felt surprised and shocked. I thought when I come back I could spend some time with them. Hehe, what a selfish thought. And what now? They left for a karaoke session and won't be back, well at least I guess thats probably not before dinner.

I feel like missing so many stuff in my life. and what does that mean? I don't FUCKING know. I am so confused right now, it's like thousands of mini-guns and bang bang inside my head crossing fires. I once thought that, I'll never regret for what I've chosen, thats why I hate complaining, and so many "thats why" I compiled inside my brain storage. But when I heard some other shocking news and surprises, I started to think twice. What Did I really Missed?

I think I can list it out, if I grouped all them together. and the top of the list is always the same thing I've been mentioned about it ever since I know how to differentiate the importance of it.
Yes, it's the Friendship.

I've done alot of thinking, in fact, trillions of thoughts about this issues. Just this PARTICULAR issues. and it cost me headaches all the time. I never found anything, because at the end, I'm taking the blame. The truth is, I can never blame them, I just dunno why, maybe its because so many people assuming I'm the bad guy. So, yeah, I take the blame and I shut up. I think, if I fight back, hmph, the relationship might gone worse. So, just let it be bad before it gone worst.

Just now I've been thinking, 3 years is such a short distance for a diploma student, yeah, it's really short and guess what? I've left one more year only, until I graduate. So how many chances that I can actually get an Ace for my study? 3 times, not more than that. and think back, for what I've done in my previous assignments, the jobs are sucks and, I'm worried about my portfolio. I am damn worried about it. I don't have any awards, I don't have any flying colour results, I don't have precious comments from lecturers, so what else do I have? Nothing, absolutely nothing. I wonder what if I end up like a loser? I'm scared. I'm scared that I'm jobless, even if I got a job, I'm afraid that place is wasting my time. Time flies, even faster than any formulas we can even come out with. Once it gone, it's gone.

Once again, today I'm confused. and the haze is coming back, fuck.